Category: travel tips

Visiting Toledo, Spain

On May 26, 2020

Visit Toledo in one day

This ain’t the Toledo in Ohio…

Working on a travel blog in times of global pandemic, travel bans and quarantines is the kind of thing that can prompt calls for a mental health wellness check, but here we are.

I mean, it wouldn’t be the first time, so do your worst.

But for those of us who are stricken by the mental illness we call wanderlust, just because we’re not traveling at the moment doesn’t mean we’re not thinking about going places.

Quite the opposite, in fact.

Who among us hasn’t thought about being elsewhere lately?

Who among us hasn’t thought about sending whoever we’re in quarantine with elsewhere? Somewhere far, far away – or perhaps just a mere six feet down? (PARODY! SATIRE! A JOKE!)

But as they say, this too shall pass. We will escape our housemates and our families, we will escape the same dreary view and boredom and stress, and we will travel again – although it’ll no doubt be with increased health-related security requirements. We’re likely to face mandatory use of masks, temperature checks, self-quarantine upon arrival and other precautions.

I’m fully down with all of that.

I think I’m not alone in saying I’m ready to travel somewhere, anywhere – provided it can be done with relative safety and in a responsible manner.

Visiting Toledo, Spain: The History of Toledo

So! Having said all that, I have been pining for Spain and thinking back on my first time visiting the Iberian Peninsula.

One of my favorite tourist day trips was visiting Toledo, a gem of a historic town near Madrid, and well worth taking a day to fully explore. Known for its widely renowned Toledo swords, Toledo, Spain is also known as the Imperial City as it was home of the primary venue of the court of King Charles V the Holy Roman Emperor. Toledo, Spain is also known as the City of Three Cultures, as there are strong ties interwoven throughout its history and architecture to Christian, Muslim and Jewish faiths.

When you arrive on your visit to Toledo, you’ll immediately see why this city has been such an important strategic stronghold for a grab-bag of civilizations spanning 2,000 years of history. That’s because it’s situated atop a rocky hill, protected on three sides by the river Tagus. In the ensuing millennia, various rulers added imposing walls and fortifications, making it a tough candidate for full frontal attack.

Puente de Alcantara Bridge with the Alcázar de Toledo in the background.
(kjb/Toledo 2018)

In fact this spot has been an important trading hub dating back to centuries before the Christian era began, when the Romans called it Toletum.

After Rome’s influence waned, Toledo was ruled for a couple of centuries by the Visigoths, and then by the Moors until the late 11^th century when Spain retook the city. After that, Spain made Toledo the nation’s capital, where it remained until the city reached the physical limits of its potential growth in the 1500s and the court was moved to Madrid.

Visiting Toledo: World Heritage Site

Despite enduring repeated wars over the centuries, Toledo is nonetheless so unique, historical, charming and well-preserved that UNESCO recognized the entire town as a world heritage site in 1986.

But visiting Toledo you’ll note right away that the city is impressive not only in terms of how unspoiled it is architecturally, but also for the fact that three major world religions have had an influence here for millennia, each of which can be seen in the architecture and development of the city.

There has always been a large Jewish population in Toledo, dating back to Roman times. Historic synagogues rub shoulders with mosques constructed during the Moorish reign, along with numerous Christian edifices, including one of the Gothic era’s most stunning Christian cathedrals.

Hit that cardio before coming to Toledo

The Toledo train station is just a short 20-minute walk from the old part of the city, and there’s an escalator to take you up there that’s located near the Puerta de Alfonso VI, on the old town’s north side. There’s also a city bus you can catch right there at the train station if you prefer.

But I, along with most of the people who rolled off my train, just walked straight in and up after crossing the pedestrian-only Puente de Alcántara Bridge. It’s a picturesque walk, and it’s not like you’re going to be able to avoid hills here anyway. It’s enough to give you a bit of a cardio workout, but honestly it’s not too terrible.

These fancy gentlemen were among the people who walked from my train to the old town.
I dig the white shoes/pinstripes/cheap backpack look.
(kjb/Toledo 2018)

The truth is you could easily spend hours just randomly wandering these winding, narrow streets and seeing what you see and not be disappointed with how you spent your day. But at any rate, here are a few highlights among the places to visit in Toledo, Spain.

1. Puente de Alcántara Bridge

As mentioned above, this bridge in itself and the view from it before you even get into the city proper is stunning all on its own. If you’re familiar with the Spanish language, you may also note that ‘puente’ is Spanish for bridge, so the Anglicization here by adding ‘bridge’ at the end is a bit silly.

However, it gets even more ridiculous, as the word ‘alcantara’ is derived from the Arabic word al-QanTarah which means…you guessed it: bridge.

So what we have here is the Bridge of Bridge Bridge.

The portal into the city from the Puente de Alcantara.
(kjb/Toledo 2018)

Whatever you call it, this bridge has lasted in one form or another since the Romans constructed it, although it has suffered damage from periodic warfare over the years. It’s always been reconstructed from the same locally quarried rock and today it offers stunning views of the surrounding countryside and a fairytale portal into Toledo.

2. Zocodover Plaza

Once you make your way up and into the city on this route as you visit Toledo, you’ll pass a statue of Cervantes and the Arco de la Sangre and emerge in Zocodover Plaza, the bustling marketplace and natural hub of the city. It’s a good place to take a moment to catch your breath and get your bearings, and there’s tons of tourist-oriented shops, fast food and cafes on the square.

But even just grabbing a seat on a bench and doing some people-watching – perhaps while enjoying a discreet beer, dirtbag traveler-style – is fun too.

Found the drug dealers…
(kjb/Toledo 2018)

It’s easy to imagine this scene across the centuries, variously as the commercial heart of the Spanish capital, and before that as a Moorish souk, and before that a Visigoth marketplace, and before that a Roman trading post.

Little has changed when you get right down to it; a hodgepodge of dialects pierces the air as shopkeepers ply their wares and cautious, herd-like groups of people who are visiting Toledo from all over the world poke around and assess potential purchases. Apart from the clothing and the specific items and foods people are clamoring to buy and sell, you’re not seeing anything much different from what a Roman or Visigoth or Moorish trader saw centuries ago.

The town’s tourist office is also on Zocodover Plaza if you’re into that sort of thing, but to me the attraction of ancient places like Toledo is just to wander and get lost among the winding, narrow streets and see what there is to discover on your own.

3. Alcázar de Toledo

There has been some kind of fortification on this spot for at least 2,000 years, but it got its name when it was rebuilt as an al-qasr (fortress) in the 10^th century. This building was later reconstructed by Christians after the reconquista, and still later as the castle that was to be home to the royal family of Carlos I.

But by the time it was completed the fickle royals had buggered off to Madrid and taken the capital with them. It’s nonetheless a stunning building, unique for having each of its four main outer walls designed in a different style, each adhering to the particular Renaissance period in which it was constructed.

Today it’s home to a spacious and informative military museum and offers stunning views of the city and surrounding landscape. You could easily spend a couple of hours here.

4. Santa Iglesia Catedral Primada de Toledo

With all the intertwined religious history here, you just knew we couldn’t avoid houses of worship for long. Might as well start with the Toledo Cathedral, a massive structure where you can spend at least a couple hours. One of Spain’s best examples of High Gothic architecture, this impressive edifice was begun in 1226 but not completed for over 200 years subsequently. As of pre-Covid-19 times, it was €10 to enter the Toledo Cathedral, complete with audio guide, but worth every shiny little Euro-penny as you can lose yourself exploring all kinds of nooks and crannies, and admiring the opulent artwork and interiors.

5. Monastery of San Juan de los Reyes

One of the top favorite things to do in Toledo is to see this gorgeous monastery, a former 15th-century church now run by Franciscan monks. It features impressive, ornate galleries and overlooks the Puente de San Martin on the city’s western side. The interior courtyard and gardens are a popular retreat, a wonderful little respite on a hot summer day, so add it to your list of places to visit in Toledo.

However if you find yourself running out of coin for paid entrances to places in Toledo like this, just wandering around this sector is great. It’s the former Jewish Quarter, and you’ll see numerous synagogues and homes and other buildings adorned with Hebrew lettering.

On the grounds of the Museo Del Greco.
(kjb/Toledo 2018)

6. Museo del Greco

If you head southeast from the Monastery through the Jewish Quarter, you’ll run into the museum built in the reconstructed home of the artist El Greco, one of the top sites for people visiting Toledo, Spain – not least because the entry fee is a mere €3. There are lovely gardens and nicely laid-out galleries of some of the work the artist did once he settled here in Toledo.

But perhaps one of the best highlights of the structure is that it was built on top of the cellars of a 14^th century palace, constructed by Samuel Levi, the treasurer of King Pedro I ‘The Cruel’ of Castile. The brickwork and below-ground chambers are really fascinating for history buffs.

Beneath the Museo del Greco.
(kjb/Toledo 2018)

You can take a nice break from your visit to Toledo and grab a seat in the Parque el Tránsito just to the south of the museum, where there are artisanal craftspeople selling their wares, musicians, a kid’s playground area and stunning views.

7. Synagogue el Tránsito

Pedro the Cruel and Levi were also instrumental in the construction of the nearby Synagogue el Tránsito, considered one of Spain’s most important historic Jewish buildings. It’s a pristine example of Mudéjar architecture, with exquisite Arabic and Hebrew calligraphy, intricate stucco walls and a gorgeous larchwood ceiling, an absolute must on your list of what to do in Toledo Spain.

The building also contains the Sephardic Museum where you can learn about the history of Judaism in Spain dating back to the 5^th century B.C.

8. The Mosque of the Christ of Light

If you find the name of this building near the Puerta del Sol confusing, you’re not alone. But by now it should be apparent that some mixing and mingling of religious influences in this uniquely hybridized place is to be expected.

As the oldest building in the historic district of Toledo, built in 999 A.D. under the Caliphate, this mosque is no exception. It was converted to a Catholic church a couple hundred years later, and today visitors can see the ancient stones that make up the original structure. In itself the building is rather small and not terribly imposing, but the gardens are lovely and worth a stroll even for those who for some reason are unimpressed with being able to touch a 1,000-year-old wall.

Parque el Tránsito.
(random tourist/Toledo 2018)

Getting to Toledo, Spain

(Presented with the caveat that this info is from “The Before Times.”)

Traveling from Atocha Station in Madrid, the high-speed AVE train to Toledo takes around 33 minutes. It’s a comfortable and picturesque jaunt into the nearby countryside that’ll run you just over €21 round-trip. Be aware that when you purchase a round-trip or return ticket, you have to specify your return time in advance.

You can also drive the 70 km route in about an hour, depending on traffic, taking the A-42 highway.

There are also Alsa buses that run from the Plaza Elíptica station in Madrid every 30 minutes until 21:30, and which cost just under €10 round-trip for about a one-hour journey.

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How to Exercise When Traveling

By kurtis bright

On February 27, 2020

In travel exercise, travel hacks, travel tips

Top 3 ways to maximize your vacation workout routine

I’ve started wondering if maybe part of the appeal of travel is actually something that’s generally considered a negative: the hassle.

Why? Well, for one, travel keeps us busy, doesn’t it?

When you’re on the road and you’re occupied with simply getting through the mechanics of it all, it obscures any existential angst or ennui.

All the self-doubt, aimlessness and boredom of modern life is washed away. You’re thinking about things like: where am I staying, what do I want to see, where should I eat, what should I eat, is that thing safe to eat, what even is that thing, where is this bus actually going, oh fuck is it going to RAIN, etc., etc., ad infinitum.

Rain happens, yo.
Ansgar Scheffold / Pixabay

You simply don’t have time for thoughts like, ‘Why am I here?’ or ‘What am I doing with my life?’ or ‘Why didn’t I listen when they said I should learn how to code?’

That’s where a travel workout comes in. Nothing like contemplating your life choices while getting lost on a long run or doing lunges in a park while puzzled locals look on.

But of course, things like regular exercise and diet often go right out the window when you’re on the road.

Even if you have the best of intentions, vacation workouts are really hard to stick with. Add to that the fact that generally speaking your diet is going to get more adventurous and likely less healthy when you’re traveling, and the results can be less than ideal.

You’ve heard of ‘The Freshman 15?’ How about ‘The Traveler 20?’

Just pour the coffee in my mouth. And stuff a cruller in there too, would ya?
Quinn Kampschroer / Pixabay

However, there are some ways to help you work out and burn some extra calories while traveling.

1. Walk

It’s a given that you’ll be walking more than usual when you’re traveling. But consider the possibility of consciously deciding to walk even more by thinking of it as part of your travel exercise routine.

Instead of automatically looking to take a taxi, metro, or bus, think about walking instead, if it’s not ridiculously far (and assuming you’ll exercise proper caution and research the neighborhoods you’ll be traversing.)

Not only does extra walking add bonus calorie-burning to your travel exercise routine, it’s also a great way to see more of a place. You’ll pass through real communities where real people live rather than popping in and out of metro stations at each tourist hot spot, those areas that are likely overrun with postcard stands and t-shirt shops and depleted of any speck of genuineness anyway.

Walking the York city walls.
kjb / York, England 2019

You might even see a rainbow…
kjb / York, England 2019

2. Just do

If you can manage to stick to a fitness routine at home, there’s no reason why you can’t exercise on the road too. It’s far too easy – and again, guilty as charged here – to sort of mentally throw up your hands when you embark on a trip, and assume that since you can’t do your travel workout precisely the way you do it at home, it’s just impossible.

Pass the morning beer!

It doesn’t have to be like that.

Yeah, sure, there will be morning beer days, at least for this dirtbag traveler.

But just as with exercising at home, I try to approach travel exercise with a mindset of ‘These are the days when I work out. Period.’ Set a plan for your travel exercise routine and stick with it.

Sure, you may have to make adjustments, you may have to do some improvising, but that’s part of travel in general, isn’t it? If Tuesday is a running day and I happen to be on a plane, I’ll make a point of running Wednesday instead. Making adjustments is okay; compromising exercise altogether is slow, fatty fat-fat death.

3. No gym? No problem.

You can try to find a gym where you can work out while traveling that’ll let you in on a day pass, but in my experience these are prohibitively expensive. I think one gym in Barcelona quoted me €10.

Do feel free to fuck right off with that.

Instead, I try to bring as much of the gym with me as I reasonably can.

Portable gym equipment includes running shoes obviously, but you can get a really good travel workout with small, packable things like a jump rope and resistance bands.

TRX works, for real.
Tanja Shaw / Pixabay

For me the best portable exercise equipment to work out while traveling is the TRX cable system.

It packs away into a little bag and weighs like 1.5 pounds, making it a great portable workout gym for travelers. I found a used one for like $25.

And while it doesn’t feel quite as productive as hitting the free weights, it’s nonetheless quite versatile – and you will feel it afterward, I promise.

When I was in Barcelona and going to the muscle beach outdoor gym regularly, I’d do my other travel workout stuff then hook up my TRX to close out my routine. The other meatheads – like, the serious meatheads, not pudgy, aging wannabes like me – they always wanted to have a go on it even after doing muscle-ups and the other ridiculous shit they were into, so it’s not without its uses.

They actually completed this while I was there and it was glorious.
kjb / Barcelona 2019

Bonus: 4. Work ya body wherever

And that brings up my other point: the gym is where you make it. Sure, not every place will have a cool-ass outdoor workout area like they do in Barca, but every place you go will at least have playgrounds and parks.

If you keep an eye out you can find chin-up bars, places to do pushups, sit-ups, stretches, planks, lunges – there are tons of bodyweight exercises you can do as a travel workout that rival the burn you get from gym equipment.

And really, truth be told, isn’t a good workout a great way to wash away the soreness of travel as well as the angst of modern life?

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5 More Must-Have Travel Essentials

By kurtis bright

On February 7, 2020

In essentials for travel, travel hacks, travel tips

Travel tips and travel hacks to make your life on the road easier

It sounds counterintuitive, but it feels great when you head out on the road with just a few things in a backpack — maybe a ukulele — and little else.

That said, there are a few more things to add to the list of what you really ought to pack, and some travel hacks that can make the process easier on you. Here are some must-pack travel essentials that will make your life on the road much easier.

1. Kindle

I’m amazed when I meet fellow travelers who are still lugging around hard-copy books. ‘Travel light’ is one of the mantras of intelligent travel, and packing books – plural, inevitably, because if you’re a real reader you’re going to want more than one – just seems silly when the alternative is readily, cheaply available.

Kindles come in all kinds of various sizes, capacities and price points, but even the bare minimum model is going to hold thousands of ebooks. Converting books from almost any format including PDF almost always works a treat, and reading on a Kindle is just as easy on your eyes as reading an actual book, since it has no LCD screen like on a computer or tablet.

They stay charged for weeks, plus, as a confirmed dirtbag, I can assure you that it is very, very rare when you can’t find a particular title for free online one way or another. In other words, a Kindle saves you money on top of everything else.

It’s just easier this way. Give in to your digital overlords.
free images/pixabay

I get it, I get the argument that some people prefer the tactile experience of reading actual books. I do too. The feel and smell of old books is incomparable in its ability to transport you. But using a Kindle, especially as a travel hack, isn’t like a loyalty oath to Baron von Bezos or something. You’re still allowed to read real books, I promise.

2. Universal adapter/USB extension cord

There are some more or less universal adapters out there that go for like $12-$15 bucks. Some travel tips sites recommend bringing a lightweight power strip, but this kind of adapter works fine for me, since the only thing I really need an actual outlet for is my laptop, plus USBs for phone, tablet, etc.

I also have a really long USB extension that comes in real handy since the outlet is always, always going to be in the most inconvenient location possible, no matter where you go.

(Links are not recommendations, just to show style, price, etc. I know, I know, it’s fucking Amazon. So’s the Kindle and I hate that it is. Fact is, I’ve bought exactly two Kindles from them in the past decade, and maybe half a dozen books total, so.)

3. Plastic bags/Laundry bag

Gotta hate plastic bags, and I try to avoid them whenever possible. But since we end up with them anyway, I reuse them to death. I have a Sainsbury’s bag that I still use for grocery shopping and I haven’t been in the U.K. in four or five months.

And when you travel, plastic bags come in handy since you’re going to have stinky or wet clothes that you’ll want to keep separate. Also, extra bags come in handy for packing delicate or spillable items like shampoo, lotion, or bottles of booze. Won’t necessarily save you from some clean-up on Aisle Backpack, but it could help minimize the trauma.

As far as laundry goes, it might be worth the investment in an actual laundry bag, but again, I’m a dirtbag, so I just use and re-use a plastic one.

I have no idea what’s happening here.
pixabay

4. Super glue/Duct tape

Shit breaks, and when it breaks on the road you’re often going to be forced to buy replacement shit at stores you’re unfamiliar with, and you’ll have limited time to seek out the best bargains. A suitcase with a busted zipper is a nightmare, but paying three times the regular price to buy a replacement at the airport or in the first shop you find is pretty horrible too.

So while slapping some duct tape on there might be the whitiest of white trash moves (white trash is the inbred, toothless second cousin of the noble dirtbag, but we are not the same, just so you know) it works as a temporary fix until you have a chance to shop frugally for a replacement. Or a split raincoat, or a shoe, etc. etc.

Again, I’m not saying I’m walking around London or Madrid with duct tape all over me for weeks at a time, wearing condoms for shoes like the Crack Fox or something. We’re just talking about a temporary, emergency fix until a better solution that isn’t a complete rip-off presents itself.

Now, super glue. Here’s a travel hack I’ve used to temporarily fix sunglasses, phone cases, and all kinds of things while on the road. But the best reason to pack some superglue is in case you get a cut or other small wound and have no bandaids.

This might sound like some action movie shit, but the truth is, if you have a minor cut or one of those splits you get next your fingernails due to dryness or whatever, if you clean the wound then slap a bit of superglue on it, it won’t bother you anymore. It closes and protects the wound so you’re not forever banging it on something or poking it, and thus it heals faster, at least in my experience.

*Disclaimer: I think it should be clear by now that I AM NOT A FUCKING DOCTOR, lol. There is such a thing as actual, medical-grade superglue that is likely less toxic, but the regular stuff is apparently okay to use occasionally too. Given all the other chemicals we put in our bodies and breathe in every day, it’s probably not going to kill you to do this once or twice.

**Again, NOT a qualified medical opinion.

5. Hand Sanitizer

Oh dear lord, may the old gods and the new help you if you travel without hand sanitizer. As travel tips go, bringing hand sanitizer may be a bit of a cliché or already known by everybody who reads these kinds of things, but I see far too many people on planes, trains and buses who don’t use it. All you have to do be convinced, in my opinion, is take a moment to feel the sort of grubby, grungy, greasy feel of the handles and straps on a city metro.

Laden with germs, every one of them.
Eduardo Davad/Pixabay

No, really. Really take moment to run your hands over the surface of the metal. Reeeeally get in there. Brushed aluminum is supposed to be smooth, isn’t it? Not pebbled? Or abrasive? Or sticky?

And then think about how we talk about the recirculated air on airplanes causing colds and worse: WTF do you think the bathroom door handle on an airplane – or any other surface for that matter – is doing??

When I first came to Santiago and started teaching English as a second language, I had to pick up lots of classes that were all over the city, so I rode the metro and bus a lot. But I found shortly after I arrived that I got super crazy sick with a nasty cold that lasted forever.

This part is strictly speculative, but I think there is something to be said for the idea of your immune system not being equipped to deal with strains of germs and viruses that are not common where you’re from when travel a long way. Even after I got over that initial nastiness, I found I kept getting sick on the regular.

Then I noticed two things: those grubby handholds on the metro and buses that I mentioned before, and the fact that there is almost never soap in Chilean public restrooms, and hot water literally never.

It all came together one grim winter morning on the metro when I saw this old guy sneeze into his hand – thank you for the courtesy on that – but then immediately grab the hand-hold metal pole again after a perfunctory wipe on his pants leg.

Presto change-o, once I bought and started RELIGIOUSLY using hand sanitizer EVERY TIME I got off the bus or metro, my frequency of colds plummeted.

Anyway, hope these travel hacks/travel essentials help you on your next trip! Thoughts and comments welcome as always.

Cheers,

Travel: The Reality

By kurtis bright

On February 5, 2020

In travel philosophy, travel tips

Let’s think for a moment what the actual act of travel entails.

You voluntarily yank yourself out of your comfort zone, cram a tiny percentage of your stuff – stuff you really like and have spent years quite deliberately accumulating, by the way – into a bag, head out of your cozy home where everything is just the way you like it, and fight through traffic to get to the dystopian hellscape that is the modern airport.

Like, you go to the AIRPORT. On PURPOSE.

Right from the get-go, this is just all kinds of wrong.

There, you will fight through packs of strangers who are similarly stressed and tense and nervous about being late, just as you are. Then you will be subjected to a humiliating series of pointless ‘security’ inspections of varying degrees of theatricality, herded through an array of corridors and chutes – which are alarmingly reminiscent of those you find in cattle slaughtering facilities.

Next, you are met by overworked flight attendants whose impatience and loathing is barely disguised by practiced, glassy smiles who herd you into jamming yourself into a tiny seat fit for a child or a dollhouse inside a ridiculous metal tube that should in no way be trusted with your life while hurtling through the sky at 600 miles per hour.

Finally, you’re off the ground. Hooray! That’s where you’ll spend the next several hours breathing stale, germ-laden air while your body has every bit of moisture sucked out of it – along with every bit of your patience and goodwill toward your fellow humans.

Your only diversion that you don’t provide yourself, aside from the passive-aggressive struggle over the armrest with the massively overweight gentleman next to you (or alternatively, praying to all the gods that ever existed and never existed that the screeching infant in your row will fall into a food coma) will be that you are offered bad, overpriced food that, despite being bland, flavorless cardboard, is far too meager.

But don’t worry, you’ll also get thimblefuls of water or warm, overpriced beer to wash it down with.

You can look forward to having all your routines completely shredded, which for some people that means your bowels will be stopped up altogether – or possibly opened up like a horrific firehose reminiscent of Jackson Pollock if he had gone through a Brown Period.

Now you get to navigate the cattle-slaughtering chutes and further inspections and humiliations of another airport. Notice as you await your turn to be digitally prodded and poked – fingers crossed in hopes that your bag made it to the same destination as you – that although wifi exists at this airport, you are inexplicably unable to connect for some reason. ‘WiFi available’ is only theoretical, or perhaps it only says that to mock you and doesn’t actually exist at all.

Either way, forget about communicating with the outside world. You are airport people now.

Hey, at least you’re not stuck on the plane?
outpost magazine

Eventually, you step up to the counter and smile desperately through your fatigue at stony-faced customs and immigration officers, hoping to display a benign, inoffensive demeanor that will mean you’ll be able to pass through hassle-free. But far from putting on a cool and casual show of a sophisticated traveler at ease, you actually appear to them as a greasy, exhausted, jittery freak, completely wrung out, smelling terrible and with worse breath. The immigration guy shuffles you through quickly, yes, but just to get rid of the foul, sub-human abomination before him.

All the while, you’re wondering where the nearest toilet is and what the fuck ever happened to water fountains.

Finally, exhausted, you shove through the mob of bovine gawpers who gaze slack-jawed at the baggage going round and round yet insist on standing right next to the belt even though theirs hasn’t arrived. [Sidebar: I suspect that every airport has groups of locals that come out just to watch the bags go around. They aren’t traveling anywhere; this is just their entertainment, so of course they want to get up close to watch. ‘Get in the car kids, we gonna go watch the suitcasey merry-go-round! Hooray!’]

Yee-haw! Looka them bags go roundy-round y’all!
I told ya this was better than the water slide!
the travel lady

You are eventually able to make a lunge for your baggage – if it turns up at all, that is – and lug it out to the street in a strange city where you may or may not know the language and you almost certainly don’t know your way around at all, there to be accosted by alleged cab drivers and hucksters of every stripe.

You manage to grab what you hope is a legit taxi in which you won’t be mugged and dumped on a side street without your passport, bags or money, or you climb on a bus, just crossing your fingers that you’ll be able to figure out where you’re going. And of course, assuming you do actually get there, just hope that your Airbnb host will be waiting to let you in, or that you’ll be able to figure out some way to get in touch with them because no wifi/no cell.

And, you know what?

I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Like anything else, the more places you go, the better you get at traveling. You learn shortcuts and tricks and methods to minimize the inevitable emotional abrasion and wearing down of your soul as you navigate the hard edges of modern travel. You chat with other travelers, you make jokes with the various workers at various counters, cafes and shops, you hide behind your headphones as needed, you read.

You figure it out.

And once you do get settled in your room or apartment and take a moment to breathe, maybe grab a shower — definitely grab a beer — that first time you head out into a brand-new city or town, wander among the crowds, smell the odors of unfamiliar food, hear the sounds of music and laughter and conversation in another language, see all the faces and the shops and the buildings and the streets — well, it’s just the best.

Dancers in the night.
kjb/Buenos Aires, 2018

Worth every damn minute.

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5 Essential Travel Tips

By kurtis bright

On February 2, 2020

In essentials for travel, travel tips

Travel Tips: Things I Would Never Travel Without

When it comes to travel tips, it may be a cliché, but you can pretty much assume that anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

I mean, yeah, it’s a cliché, but like most truisms, it’s based on truth.

Part of the joy of traveling is of course learning to embrace the unexpected. Dealing with all the things that life on the road throws at you is half the fun: we adapt, we shift our expectations, we improvise.

Why must I always be waiting, waiting for you…
(pixabay)

But having said that, there are certain travel essentials, ways to make it easier on yourself when you’re far away from home and likely to have limited knowledge of local shops.

And it’s also going to be cheaper if you don’t have to make emergency purchases, without a doubt.

Items like socks or adapters – and essentials like beer – are of course usually pretty easy to find, no matter where you go. But for the dirtbag traveler, avoiding extra, unnecessary costs is vital. (You want to keep that beer budget intact. Don’t need to be wasting that money on frivolous items like, you know, food.)

And it is often cheaper than food. Or at least more fun…
kjb / Pichilemu, Chile 2018

At any rate, these travel essentials can not only make it easier on yourself, but also on your thin-ass wallet. Here are a few travel tips that I’ve found come in really handy when I’m on the road. (Products linked are not an endorsement, merely to demonstrate style and price.)

1. Bluetooth headphones

Yes, I realize we are talking dirtbag travel tips here, and bluetooth headphones sounds like one a them fancy city folk devil devices. Nevertheless, Bluetooth headphones will change your life. You can find a pair of perfectly serviceable Bluetooth headphones for $20, and believe me, they are well worth it. The hassles you avoid by not having to deal with tangled cords, ear buds forever getting yanked out of your ears, or damaged by getting caught on things is priceless.

Plus you can listen to music or podcasts and adjust volume, change tracks, pause, mute or stop all from a button on your ear rather than hauling out your phone every time you need to adjust something. That is super helpful when your hands are full dealing with your bags or paying to get on the metro or any one of a million other situations you find yourself in while traveling. Not only that, even when you’re not listening, Bluetooth headphones are a great prop to help you avoid unwanted conversations with lunatics and Mormons and the like.

‘Scuse me bra, do you have a moment to talk about Dude Jesus Christ?
kjb / Pichilemu, Chile 2018

2. Earplugs

While we’re on the subject of ears, why not mention earplugs? On the plane you will inevitably be seated next to some mewling brat at some point, and good earplugs are a lifesaver. Plus, no matter how closely you peruse the Airbnb or hostel listings and reviews, you can never really know what the neighborhood’s noise situation is going to be like until you get there yourself. And one travel tip I strongly recommend is shelling out a little more for the gel type of earplugs. They cost a bit more but save you money in the long run because they last forever, unlike the cone-shaped foam ones that get squeezed to death pretty quickly, in my experience. On top of that, you can use them for swimming – six months later I still have an entire box of three pairs I bought last summer in Montenegro and I was in the water every day. (Yes, they aren’t pretty, but hey, I am a dirtbag after all, right?)

3. Cash

So I rolled in to Belgrade, Serbia around 10pm after a really cool all-day train ride through the mountains from Montenegro, only to find that the tiny little train station – which, granted, is being upgraded and moved – had no ATM. Plus, it was way the hell out on the edge of town, so there were no shops or banks with ATMs nearby, and thus I had no way of getting local currency like I had planned to do upon arriving. That meant that I couldn’t pay for a taxi even if I had been able to find one. On top of that, once I got to an ATM after I managed to contact my super awesome host (who actually drove out there to pick me up) we discovered that my bank had shut down my debit card because I forgot to inform them I was traveling to Serbia.

Fucking oops.

Makes the world go around, unfortunately.
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Plus it was Saturday night, and the bank’s customer service lines didn’t open again until Monday morning Mountain time. So several lessons learned all in one neat package: luckily I had euros and found an open currency exchange, so I could exchange them on a Sunday, otherwise it might have been a very hungry and sober Sunday and most of the day Monday due to the time difference. Bring extra cash even if you plan to exchange or simply withdraw money when you arrive where you’re going, because you just never know.

4. Snacks/Breakfast

This one is a pretty common travel tip, to bring snacks with you, not only to avoid starvation, but to avoid exorbitant airport and airplane prices. I always try to bring stuff like peanuts, an apple, or a peanut butter sandwich, and to be honest I go pretty heavy on all that because I get fucking cranky when I’m hungry.

No, coffee makes the world go round.
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But I take the snacks thing a step further and try to already have something for the next morning as well. I hate waking up in a strange place starving, and then right off the bat having to go out and forage for food. Yes, of course there’s always a restaurant around that’s willing to take your money if you’re truly famished. But I’d rather save my precious funds by eating simple stuff I prepare myself for breakfast and lunch, and only occasionally spring for a nice dinner. For starters I always bring my little Italian coffee maker and a Tupperware container of coffee because I am not fit for human contact without a cup of real coffee. Another easy-peasy way to make sure you have at least something to line your stomach before venturing out is to bring some oatmeal in a Ziplock bag. Most Airbnbs or even hostels are going to have hot water and sugar, and if you have some fruit to go in there, even better.

5. Wet wipes

Wet wipes are an absolute lifesaver of a travel tip that will make you feel so much less dingy and gross. Yeah, you’re going to sweat, yeah, you’re going to be waiting for buses and trains and cabs amid the dust and exhaust of stations and street. But if you can occasionally wipe your face with a cool, damp wet wipe, it can change your outlook 100 percent. Plus if you run out of hand sanitizer – and dear god, don’t do that – a wet wipe is a decent workaround. Never assume there will be soap in the bathrooms where you’re going!

Also, as far as wet wipes go, let’s not get into it, but the bathroom, guys.

(I’m talking about pooping. And your taint. You know, the place where you get stinky. I hope that was subtle enough.)

I’ve got a bunch more of these that are less gross, but I don’t want to make one single, insane, long-ass list, so I’m going to break it up into pieces. More to come, and if you have any ideas for travel tips of your own, or thoughts about these, please leave a comment or send an email!

Cheers,